NBrid

Nintendo Clerks

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Written by: DarkWadeX

Warning Explicit Content: This is not intended
to be read by viewers under the age of 17. The words and opinions expressed
here do NOT reflect the opinions held by NBrid or any of its affiliates.
The following is being brought to you COMPLETELY unedited. You have been
warned.

What you are about to read is a story based on the

movie Clerks. If you haven't seen the movie more than

likely none of this will make sense to you. So for you

who have seen it enjoy, and for all you others read

anyway if not only for the necrophelia. Without

further ado let's begin!

After years of defending the Mushroom Kingdom from the

idiotic forces that would dare to harm it, Mario found

himself discontent with fact that all he ever did was

jump on the heads of turtles. So one day he left to

start a new, more adventurous life and gain his

fortune.....of course he failed miserably and ended up

working at the Quickstop oddly right next to RST Video

where his former nemesis Bowser now works due to the

fact without Mario to fight there wasn't much else for

a massive turtle with ADD to do. This is a day in

their life. [PS: The necrophelia is coming...I

promise]

[Scene: Mario's hellhole of a bedroom]



[the phone rings]



Mario: Hello it'sa me, Mario! What? But it's my f**kin

day off'a! OK but you betta be there by 12.....



[Mario drives to the Quickstop, where he finds the

locks to the steel shutters jammed. He precedes to

write a sign "I promise, we is'a open! and hangs it

up, then he walks to the back of the counter]



Mario: Same old thing everyday...



[a customer walks in]



Customer 1: a cup of coffee.



[Mario takes his money]



Customer 1: Can I drink it in here?

Mario: Sure.



[a second customer comes in and places a pack of

condoms on the counter]



Customer 1: Are you buying condoms?

Customer 2: Yeah.....

Customer 1: Those AREN'T ribbed. Do you know what you

are doing?

Customer 2: Yeah, I am buying condoms.

Customer 1: INFERIOR condoms, that is! How long are

your girlfriends orgasms?

Customer 2: Dude that is just foul!!

Customer 1: My friend it proves a point. Non ribbed

condoms ruin the sexual experience. Those so called

great propalactics you have there do NOTHING to

heighten your experience. Here buy this pack of

Pokemunki Condoms. Ribbed for her AND your pleasure.

Customer 2: OK, I want this pack then.



[Customer 2 hands the cash to Mario and leaves]



Mario: Sir if you are gonna drink her I would like to

ask you not to annoy the customers.

Customer 1: Annoy them? By preaching the truth about

condoms? You are some kind of Anti Enhanced Sex Nazi

aren't you?



[Mario looks dumbfounded]



Customer 1: THE CHANGE IS COMING MY FRIEND AND SOON A

NEW WORLD ORDER WILL BEGIN, AN ORDER IN WHICH ALL

CONDOMS WILL BE RIBBED!!!! MUAHAHA....



[Mario jumps on his head]



Mario: I knew that would come hand some day.



[a few hours pass then Bowser enters]



Bowser: Hey Mario if I knew you were here I might have

eaten some more Mushrooms before I came in. But isn't

it your day off?

Mario: It's-a me, Mario!!!

Bowser: ....I know who you are.

Mario: Sorry, force of habit, and yes it is my day

off'a but Gary called in sick and I am filling in.

Bowser: You are so gullible.

Mario: Oh shut up.



[time pass then a customer walks in]



Customer 3: Do you sell...



[Bowser eats him alive]



Mario: Will you quit eating the customers?

Bowser: I cant help it. They irritate me always asking

stupid questions like, "How much is this?", "Where is

the First Aid, I am bleeding from my head an have lost

peripheral vision", and of course, "What is better Bill

and Ted part 1 or 2?"

Mario: I see the point but is devouring the answer?

Bowser: I usually just make it a witty repartee or spit

on them but I missed breakfast.



[Mario stares at the wall]



Bowser: What is with you?

Mario: I was thinkin bout Peach...

Bowser: Oh yeah your ex the princess you cheated on

you all the time.

Mario: It wasn't that bad.

Bowser: Dude, she cheated on you with a door! An

inanimate object for Christ's sake!

Mario: That was only once, and she caught a cold from

it.

Bowser: Oh yeah a cold, heheheh.

Mario: SHUT UP!!! I am hoping we can get back

together.

Bowser: Fat chance of that my friend. It would appear

you have a roadblock.



[Bowser hand Mario the paper]



Mario: "Nick Savino suffers a fatal heart attack after

playing SSB: Melee"?

Bowser: Down some more.

Mario: "Peach to wed Hyrulian design major?!??"

Bowser: Really, I thought all the houses in Hyrule

were made out of mud.

Mario: How can she marry someone else?

Bowser: Simple, say yes and get makin with the babies.

Mario: This cant be true.....

Bowser: Quit yer bellyaching. She made you a wreck of

a man although you were getting laid at least.

Mario: What next? How could my life get any worse?

Bowser: Look here. It seems Toad died.

Mario: How?

Bowser: Tried to suck his d***.

Mario: OMG!! MUSHROOMS DON'T EVEN HAVE GENITALIA!!!

Bowser: Probably why he failed.

Mario: I have to go and pay my respects.

Bowser: Not without me.

Mario: Why? You never liked Toad, all you ever did was

try to eat him!

Bowser: Yeah well I was out of pizza topping but that

doesn't matter I AM going.



[Mario and Bowser get into the Pinto and head for the

funeral home]



Mario: What a good friend. Now both the video store

and Quickstop are closed.

Bowser: Big deal, we are out of porn anyway and I ask

you: How many people come to a convenience store for

something other than porn?

Mario: You scare me.

Bowser: Having large sharp teeth, a slacker outlook,

and hope for world domination can do that.

Mario: You work at a video store.

Bowser: Even Godzilla needed a financial crutch.

Mario: 3.20 an our isn't a financial crutch, it isn't

even minimum wage!

Bowser: blah.

Mario: Well here we are.



[Mario parks the car then he and Bowser enter the

funeral home then 5 minutes later......]



Mario: IT'S-A TIME TO GET THE F*** OUTTA HERE!!!

{Mario and Bowser run out of the funeral home and

speed off, when they get back to the Quickstop....]



Mario: JESUS CHRIST WHAT WERE YOU THINKIN!?

Bowser: It was an accident...

Mario: YOU ATE HIS F**KIN BODY!!!

Bowser: I was hungry and the oor deurves weren't doing

it.

Mario: Just open the video store....



[Bowser leaves and Mario enters Quickstop. A while

later...]



[The bell rings and Mario looks up]



Mario: PEACH!!!

Peach: Hello Mario.

Mario: It is so great to see you!

Peach: I am glad to see you too.



[the two spend some time catching up then Mario

remembers....]



Mario: So Peach I read something interesting today...

Peach: And I bet I know what it is.

Mario: Why didn't you tell me you were getting married?

Peach: I am NOT getting married to Link.

Mario: So the Hyrulian design major has a name?

Peach: Yes he does, and I like I said the reason I

didn't tell you is because I am not getting married. My

family told the papers I was.

Mario: Then why don't we go out on a date? Just you and

me, dinner and a movie.

Peach: Sounds great but I gotta go home and get ready

I will be back in 2 hours.

Mario: OK I gotta go home myself cya then.



[Peach leaves then Mario goes over to RST where Bowser

is watching.... well NBrid wont let me say what he is

watching but it rhymes with forno.]



Mario: Bowser I need you to watch the store, I have a

date.

Bowser: With who, some chick named Bev?

Mario: I told you never to mention that name

again....and no, I have a date with Peach.

Bowser: Oh a date with Miss Black Hole in Her Pants.

Mario: ...will you or wont you?

Bowser: Yeah I will now go.



[Mario leaves and Bowser moves his "forno" over to

Quickstop where, a while later, Peach shows up again.]



Bowser: Well well well, if it isn't the Human Vacuum.

Peach: Good joke Bowser. This coming from a guy who

watches "Forno" even though he doesn't have a....

Bowser: It was an accident ok? How was I to know the

dangers of the Clapper?

Peach: I am going to the bathroom and freshen up.

Bowser: There are no lights back there but by looking

at you I see you have dealt with these circumstances

before.

Peach: Funny No-Pole.

Bowser: I will have my revenge Clapper!!!



[Peach goes to the bathroom while 20 minutes later Mario

comes in. Oh yeah, here is the necrophelia for all the

newbies.]



Bowser: Hey Mario.

Mario: It's-a me, Mario!!!

Bowser: Say that again and I swear to God I will kill

all of your family and bath in their blood!!!

Mario: Sheesh all touchy. So where is Peach?

Bowser In the bathroom. She has been in there for a

while, I was gonna bring her some Exlax but who would

go near that wastezone. I mean with the dead body and

all......oh no.

Mario: DEAD BODY!?!?!?

Bowser: Oh yeah, it was something they left behind

when they made some movie here a few years ago.

Mario: So my girlfriend has been in the bathroom with a

dead body for 20 MINUTES!!?!?!?

Bowser: Yup.



[The door opens and out comes Peach with wrinkled

clothing while Mario looks horrified and Bowser....well

Bowser is laughing and to be honest so am I

MUAHAHAAAAAA what a dumb b****!]



Peach: That was AMAZING!! That sex was so great my

knees wont quit shaking.

Mario: Peach, it wasn't me in there...

Peach: oh I know that, it was a dead rotting body.

Mario: YOU KNEW?!??!

Bowser: This is getting gooood.

Peach: Of course I did. After you get over the stench

it was really quite fun. I. fact, he was better than

you ever were.



[Mario stands in shock]



Peach: Well I am off with my new boyfriend, the body.

bye-bye



[Peach leaves]



Bowser: I know when you whine about how bad your life

is I try to tell you it isn't that bad but when your

woman leaves you for a corpse then you just suck.



[Bowser leaves laughing hysterically]



Mario: What next? How could this ever get worse?



[A man comes in the store and shoots Mario dead]



The End

PS: The ending of this story again only makes sense to

people that have seen Clerks. If you haven't then you

just wasted precious moments of your life that can

never be returned. Sweet Dreams....