NBrid

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Written by: DeFF

Today I will talk to you about the recent decline in videogaming. "What?!" you ask? Well over the years there has been a steady decline (15.62% averaged per year between 1998 to 2000). Where did I get these statistics and why am I wearing your pants? To answer both those questions and the mystery of tomato farming, read on...



Videogames have long since been popular with a variety of age groups. Now however, a study conducted by DeFF Inc. shows that only 0.0000152% of women aged 88-89 play video games for more than 9 hours a day (thanks to hybrid's mom for preventing the big 0). Now I know this is quite shocking, and a little peculiar, but wait... it only gets worse.



While I was performing this study, I also noticed that less than 0% of men aged over 130 play ANY videogames. I'm sorry if this news has put you in cardiac arrest, but it was not my fault nor that of DeFF Inc.



So what was the point of this seemingly waste of space article dealy? As I said earlier, you must read on...



Now I'll move onto our teenage videogame crowd. I know all of you must be saying ol' Jimmy down the street still plays his supaNES, but Jimmy is a 30 year old that lives with his mother. Now onto my actual studies... There has been a 12.86% decrease in teenage videogame use since 1856. I know there weren't videogames then, but let's pretend. What has caused this MASSIVE decrease among teenagers? The answer is drugs. That's right, for some reason those damn punks would rather smoke their crystal meth than play Mario Party 3. So what do I suggest we do about it? SELL BUNK WEED TO POTHEADS! (Editor's Note: Was that you who sold me that bag of oregano?) What will this accomplish? It will fatten my wallet that's all.



What else has caused this decrease among teenagers? I say it's their bad role models. It could just be me, but anyone who looks up to the likes of crackhead celebrities with more STDs than I can count on my toes, wouldn't be the first to play Kirby SuperStar.



Moving on... I have also noticed a decrease of videogaming on Tuesday nights between the hours of 10pm and 6am. Is this really that important? No, but I'll continue. Why WOULDN'T people want to play a couple runs of Tony Hawk 3 at 2am on a Tuesday night? Crackheads who can't afford electricity because they spent it on a pound of.......... tomatoes.



This leads me to my conclusion. The videogame decrease is linked directly to tomatoes. How so? What the fuck am I talking about? Why am I rambling on? Who am I? Why am I wearing your pants? The answer lies in the sky.