NBrid

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Written by: DarkWadeX

Welcome to my return to the realm of retro. As I was

looking for a good francise to write about I had one

thing in my mind, I needed to find a game series that

was as fun as a kindergarten production of Stanley

Kubrick's classic Full Metal Jacket. It didn't take

long to find the perfect series: Sparkster. The little

rat that could.



It was the compelling story of an

o'possum and his never ending journey to rid the

world's evil pig population of their clothing. But he

was no normal o'possom, he possessed a rocket pack and

some neat armor! Why the hell would a overgrown rat

with a King Arthur complex and a rocket pack want to

render an entire race nude? They kidnapped his

girlfriend of course! So off rat boy goes, see a pig,

knock his clothes off. As riveting as this premise is,

in the end it fell flat so another villian was

introduced, an o'possum exactly like Sparkster except

his armor is black! Another case of gaming racism, but

let's keep it going.



So off our heroic rat went flying

around, crashing into castles, confiscating the

clothing of all pig inhabitants, leaving, crashing

into a factory, swiping the porkers' overalls, and

then Sparkster fought the evil o'possum and saved the

day!



When the game Rocket Knight Adventures came out

it became an instant cult classic for its great

gameplay, beautiful graphics, and instant

replayability. Now as we all know back in the 16 bit

days sequels were big so a game of this level of

success was guaranteed a sequel, yet the wonderboys at

Konami ran into a roadblock, what race of animals

would they shame now? They had desecrating pigs so bad

everytime people watched Babe a riot insued. So they

decided to go and ruin the reputation of a species

that was already the bastard of the animal kingdom,

the fox.



Sure foxes started out all well and good, but

when Titus the Fox came out it went down quicker than

a [this joke has been edited out due to the fact that

if it is kept in Klam will blow another gasket and the

plumber isn't gonna be in all week]. With the soon to

be nude species locked in the rest of the game became

formulaic, the EXACT same thing as the original except

now the world [and I] had a new collection of animals

to make dirty jokes about.



Looking back these games

seem pretty damn stupid and maybe they are, but I stand

firm when I say you will not find a funnier or more

exciting game series about a flying rat who steals

the clothing of others. See you next time and until

then, Merry Christmas! And if you hear something going down

your chimney, lock and load then shoot to kill.