UPS AND DOWNS OF DATING YOUR FAVORITE VG CHICK
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Written by: rana
O.k. guys, here it is. At one time or another I'm sure you caught yourself
wondering what it might be like if video game chicks were real, and what
it might be like to get with them (tell me you haven't!!!). Here for your
reading pleasure are just a few of them, and why it would be good, and
bad, if it could really happen.......
Joanna Dark is a fine looking lady who has it all. Brains, beauty, a
working knowledge of high explosives, but what would it be like to go
out on a date with such a woman? You would probably pick her up around
eight, head out to an expensive restaurant, and prepare for an evening
of romance. Dinner might be going well when all of a sudden her beeper
goes off. It's the Carrington Institute on the horn and guess what...
Joanna has to leave right away to handle a special assignment. Dinner
is ruined, and you are left alone at the table like a loser. Even if dinner
had gone well, you could be right in the middle of unbuttoning her dress
when, crash, a team of assassins smash through your front door an an attempt
to execute your date. Besides ruining "the mood", you would have blood
all over your house. And she's British besides. (No offense to the English,
but come on, they can be prudish.) So she may have the looks, but she's
far to busy to be anybody's girlfriend.
(Turok 3: Shadow of Oblivion)
Danielle is a lovely native American who looks absolutely tantalizing
in her cut off deer skin shirt. After saving the world she might have
enough free time to start dating. Should you be lucky enough to catch
her eye, there are a few things you should know. First off, Danielle is
very close with her brother, after all he did help her defeat oblivion,
so expect her to let him tag along on most of your dates. Most women carry
purses. Danielle's purse is the light burden, a magical bag that holds
limitless items (such as firestorm cannons and tek bows). Expect to do
all the driving because sooner or later she will lose her car keys in
her bottomless purse. Danielle probably prefers museums to movie theaters
and Taco Bell to fine dinning. Maybe it's just me, but she seems the type.
One more note, if you do end up dating her, don't piss her off...... Have
you ever seen what she can do with a tomahawk.....
Mama Nette is the reincarnation of a hundred year old voodoo priestess.
If old (real old) voodoo women are your thing, then hey, more power to
ya'. Personally, I think that any chick who can turn you into a living-dead,
powerful voodoo slave should be avoided. One plus is that she has been
around for a while, and probably knows a few tricks in the sack, and that
is never bad...
ADON THE SPEAKER OF FOREVER LIGHT
(Turok 2: Seeds of Evil)
Adon is a well-stacked alien chick from the lost land. If you can stand
her pale-as-death skin she might be a good date. I'm sure she must get
bored speaking the forever light all day, so at quitting time she must
be ready to party. For some reason, I think Adon is the type to go raving,
or at least go to a rave and watch. She has that "rave" quality about
her. (If you don't know what a rave is, then stop reading, your too young
care about dating.) The only real drawback is her job. Adon is probably
very dedicated to speaking the forever light, and if need be she may have
to work late a lot.
ADON'S DAUGHTER, ADON 2
(Turok 3: Shadow of Oblivion)
Although slightly more rebellious then her mother, the same as above
would apply to Adon 2....
(Resident Evil 2)
Claire has got to be one of the most attractive girls to ever grace the
Nintendo game system. In her signature red outfit, or in her secret outfit
from the locker, she is a fine, fine looking lady. A date with Claire
would knock your socks off! The two of you would start out a bar, not
one of those snooty uptown bars either, a REAL bar, with bikers and stuff.
A little dancing to country music and lotsa beer. If things go well, I'm
sure you would end up over at her place with the lights turned real low.
The only problem with Claire is her obsession with finding her brother.
Sure, things might be going very well for the two of you, but sooner or
later she would have to leave, off on another adventure to track down
her missing brother. Maybe she would call you when she got back.... I
doubt it. There's a guy like you in every town, and she's gotta keep movin'.
(Amorines Project s.w.a.r.m.)
Any chick with a pulse rifle permanently attached to her arm is bad news........
That's all I have to say about that.....
(Army Men Sarge's Heroes)
Vikki is a hot little piece of molded plastic. Lets assume that Sarge
got killed in action and Vikki was now single. With the war over, her
job as a reporter would end so she would have a lot of free time to hang
around and look sexy. She would be a fun loving date, the type of girl
who really digs amusement parks. She seems like she might be a little
wild, so always make sure she's having a good time, or else she'll get
bored and dump your ass like yesterday's pork chops. If you like a fast
paced girl, Vikki is for you. Just don't let her stand too close to the
(GOLDEN EYE 007)
Do you speak Russian? I didn't' think so....... besides, she's too in
love with James Bond to even look at another guy. Sorry.
Well, that about wraps it up... I left out fighting game chicks because,
well, I don't have any fighting games. It would be great if these girls
were real, but they are not, and it is important to recognize the difference
between fantasy and reality. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to grab my
Resident Evil 2 manual and head to bed........... Happy gaming, and don't
forget to support napster.