MrBot Presents Chat Personas
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Written by: MrBot
Well I was all "excited" to be coming back to the new chat
server when some loser on AOL had to scare people into firing their bots
again. So instead of surviving on complimentary Tang at the inbred offices,
I decided to get a real job. One which lets me interact with the people
again. As of last week I am now the answering machine for my local Electronics
Boutique. But wouldn't you know, first day on the job I got this punk
that doesn't know a thing about the word "pre-recorded." I have
logged our conversation in chat form for your convenience.
MrBot: Hello and thank you for calling Electronics Boutique.
Our store hou
Hybrid: You're Welcome.
MrBot: hours are Mondays thru Fridays 10 to 9, Saturdays 9 till elev
Hybrid: Excuse me.
MrBot: leven, Sundays 12 to 5. This month's specials include Sega Dreamcast,
new or used, $20 with purchase of
Hybrid: Hi, can I ask you a question?
MrBot: A FRICKIN ISSUE OF GAMENOW WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?
Hybrid: I'm calling in regards to your GameCube kiosks
MrBot: What the hell is a kios umm sir I'll have to ask you to wait for
this PRERECORDED message to finish. Now pokemon
Hybrid: Oh this will only take a second. I just wanted to know if you
got them in yet
MrBot: Pokemon uhh. Damnit.
Hybrid: See I was gonna come to the mall today but I wasn't sure if you
had them yet and I figure what the hell I might as well call. Am I right?
MrBot: No, you're an idiot.
Hybrid: what?
MrBot: Pokemunki Stadi err Pokemon. Stupid inbreds.
Hybrid: Hey, you ever been to NBRID.net?
MrBot: This isn't sandshrew is it?
Hybrid: Well I can't tell you who I am but I can tell you I'm still waiting
for an answer on those gamecubes.
MrBot: What gamecubes? What do you even want? What kind of person calls
a store asking about something that doesn't even exist. God this must
be one of you stupid inbreds. Bill in marketing says we don't have GC
kiosks yet so will you just hang up so I can take more calls?
Hybrid: So that's a no then?
MrBot: Pokemon Stadium 2 is now available on. No..we now have official
strategy guides
Hybrid: Did you go to E3?
MrBot: no please hold while a sales rep
Hybrid: Because I figure someone that works at EB could get into E3 easily.
Heh I used to confuse the 2, this isn't E THREE is it? *lol*
MrBot: Sir I'm going to have to ask you to shut up. If I find out who
this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran.
Hybrid: What time do you start selling your GC's?
So I later found out this was indeed Hybrid and got off immediately.
Make sure to mock him when you see him in chat.
This Me Presents I didn't feel up to doing a topic and actually had to
get help from the only one in this establishment with as much self-righteousness
and charisma as me, klam. Here is what we put together.
IRC LAMERS AND LIFERS
Have you ever noticed that some people take IRC way too seriously? I
mean it's one thing for people to talk online every now and then and get
acquainted with new people that share the same interests as you but some
people jut take it way to far.
Below is a list of some of the common IRC chatters and the characteristics
they commonly display:
THE ROMANCER:
This one is a bit complicated as there are a few different levels to
him. The first stage is the guy that PMs you the second you enter a room.
It usually looks something like this:
<LuvMastaStud> hey baby u wanna have a good time? a/s/l please.
He is probably some immature 17 year old loser that likes to get of to
words that appear on a screen... how romantic.
Then there is stage two: People that consider themselves online pimps.
These people actually BRAG about how many girls they have online.
ProTip: Most of those "girls" are really guys and the ones
that are girls are usually freakishly deformed.
Finally we come to phase 3. These are the people that will meet/date/marry
a person they meet online. Out of the 3 stages this is the most respectable
in my book as I do consider the internet a viable place for people to
met. If someone happens to find someone out there for themselves then
more power to em'.
THE CLANNER:
Let's pretend there is a clan called the Sega Fods (any resemblance to
any real clan is strictly unintentional). Said clan has a certain member
that likes to "recruit" new members. I say recruit because it
usually looks like this...
<SFGameMaster> ANYONE WANNA JOIN SEGA FODS?
When no one responds for three minutes he proceeds to flood the room
as if by some sick twist of fate someone will actually bend to his screen
flooding ways...
<SFGameMaster> ANYONE WANNA JOIN SEGA FODS?
<SFGameMaster> ANYONE WANNA JOIN SEGA FODS?
<SFGameMaster> ANYONE WANNA JOIN SEGA FODS?
<SFGameMaster> ANYONE WANNA JOIN SEGA FODS?
This usually continues until he is either kicked or no one is in the
room and he realizes he has been spamming to himself for 5 minutes.
THE LIFER:
This is the final IRC persona I will profile. This is the guy that is
obsessed with IRC. He can usually be found flaming a server that he uses
religiously. This is the guy that bashes the "power hungry"
OPs because he thinks it makes him cool. This is the guy that spends several
hours a week coming up with material for a site he created devoted to
IRC.
Most importantly this is the guy that has a stick up his ass and takes
everything way too seriously. He may be plotting the downfall of a server
or he may be trying to infiltrate a clan to take it down from the inside.
The lifer is not happy until every one bows down to him and recognizes
him as the king of IRC. What he does not realize is that most people shit
talk him constantly.
So to the lifer I say GET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND GET SOME ASS
BE IT MALE OR FEMALE!
Bootable offense of the week:
*Responding to anything Ando has to say*