Spike TV's 2003 Video Game Awards

As if there weren't enough award shows already. The Video Game Awards, or VGA's in MTV speak, adds one for all us gamers out there. But is that really who it's for? Watching this travesty it was clear who it's really for: WWE fans.

Spike TV claims to be the "First Network for Men". But really a more accurate description is the "First Network for White Trash." (Okay, that's a little harsh.) To be more specific, it caters to WWE fans much like that awful, now canceled, The Mullets. Myself not liking, or understanding, pro-wrestling, that's strike one. But hey, it's videogames so I'll give the VGA's a chance.

If the 2 hour 2003 Video Game Awards show wasn't enough, they had a half hour pre-show to get you ready. It was "hosted" by the hosts of Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (it was just like MXC, namely they took clips of the Japanese game show hosts and as usual, dubbed in their own brand of raunchy humor). I knew trouble was brewing when the first segment was watching a DOA girls fashion show. I bet 13-year-olds went 'to bed' early tonight. This lead to us watching via a 'secret' camera Jenna Jameson get dressed in her dressing room. Oh man, what a classy show. Also mixed in were the "Wild Boyz" (Steve-O and Chris) dressed up as Donkey Kong and Mario as they threw barrels at each other while one stood on a ladder. How hilarious! A puppet from Crank Yankers had a bit. Then WWE wrestlers had this pathetic bit showing off nominated games when clearly they have never played a game in their life. ("Should the controller be vibrating like this?") The whole pre-show was so phoney. But on the plus side they did this classic video game slide show showing clips of games from over the years. From Space Invaders, to Frogger, Marble Madness, Zelda, Paperboy, NBA JAM, Mortal Kombat, and even, The Simpsons Arcade! Ah, the good ole days.

So then the 'real' show began, taped in Vega at the MGM Grand Garden Arena.

The 2004 Spike TV Video Game Awards started off with a montage of games from the past year as the crowd cheered for some more than others. Enjoy! Because that's the most games you'll see all night. Prepare to have your intelligence insulted!

Right after this, the VGA's named Madden 2004 as the game of the year! Forget for a second Madden won, how can they START the show with the biggest award? I guess to be different, but I should of turned off my T.V. right then and there.

David Spade was the host of the ceremony. Though we really only see him at the beginning when he does a short stand-up routine, and then only twice more after that. His routine wasn't as bad as I thought. ("When they first called up and asked me to host the VGA's, I said go fuck yourself.") The real emcee though was DJ Funkmaster Flex. He introduced each presenter of the night. Though I'm not sure why. The show had no organization.

The presenters were as pointless as the entire VGA's. Normally presenters first say a 'joke' and then read off the nominations. Not here. At the VGA's they stood around all pretty and then said, here's the winner. Which then the Raiderette Cheerleaders pointed at. The presenters included Jamie Pressly, Lil' Kim trying to convince us she could kick our ass at NBA Live, Jenna Jameson admiring her boobs, Nicole Eggert (I wondered what happened to her) doing her best "Pink" impersonation, Pam Anderson, and Tia Carrere. Well, there were a few other, less 'beautiful' presenters. Like Jon Henson (formally of Talk Soup), but he was there to hype his upcoming Spike TV show, the Jon Henson Project. Lastly, Orlando Jones had a sit down with a 'drunk', racist, Crank Yanker's puppet.

As with all award shows, the VGA's had musical acts. To make them 'fit', they played game footage behind the artists. You had Bubba Sparxxx (no comment), P.O.D., Andrew W.K. in a wheelchair since he broke his foot, and Kelis who seemed very out of place. Tony Hawk presented the Boom Boom Huck Jam which had BMX riders (including Matt Hoffman) performing with skateboarders (including Bob Burnquist) while a band jammed (including Travis from Blink 182). Think synchronized skateboarding. It was actually pretty cool. But clearly the 'main event' was DMX. He sang by far the longest doing a medley of songs. I'm not sure why. Maybe to justify what they had to pay him. But who doesn't like DMX? Seriously. He started off just going through the motions, but by the end he seemed more into it.

There were a few other segments I should point out. I'm going to ignore the "Wild Boyz" sitting with no pants on a block of ice. I actually turned the channel during a long WWE wrestling match. But they also did these "The Secret Life of Games" segments after commercials where they took a scene from a game, and added their own dialog (MXC style). Most of it was pretty lame. ("I thought you said I was a love machine?" "No, I said I loved machines. Big difference.") There was a nice one where they had an animated Sam Fisher, complete with all his cool gear, go through a security check at the show. But then most were like the one showing off how you could move Lara Croft around in Tomb Raider to satisfy your sexual desires. Again, back to the lowbrow sleaze that typified the show.

The one highlight was when they inducted the 'Dot' from Pong into their VGA Hall of Fame. Complete with a look back at his life with comments from Shaq, Cedric The Entertainer, Penn & Teller, George Lopez, and Gilbert Gottfried (as "Dot"). Did you know the creators of Pac-Man originally wanted to hire Dot and call it Dot-Man? But Dot went nuts dropping dots all over their office. So they had to call their janitor, Pac-Man, to clean it up. As they watched him clean, history was made. If that's not enough, did you know Dot is the same dot Al Gore hired to be the dot in ".com" when he invented the Internet? So at least we learned one thing tonight.

You just have to look at the winners (NASCAR Thunder for best driving game, WWE Smackdown for best fighter) to see once again who this show was aimed at. Not 'real' gamers, but rather: casual, dimwitted, inbred, WWE watching, white trash, drunken hicks of the jury. (Again, harsh. I know.) This show was a bad joke. I'd much rather have "gamers" synonymous with "geeks" than this.

I'm sure you're thinking, "What? Are you gay? How can you not like to watch hot chicks!" Well, I also like this thing called 'substance', and this show had none. That is my main problem with the VGA's. Though since this is Spike TV, it came at no surprise. Tony Hawk's Boom Boom Huck Jam, DMX, and the "Dot" almost made it worthwhile though. Plus I did laugh a lot. Not because the show had a lot of good jokes, but because the show was so bad, it was hard not to laugh at it. Again, I'm not even counting the actual winners who were often lost amidst the garbage that was going on.

I guess they tried. Though when they keep saying "first annual", I get scared. The only time I'll tune in again is during one of their James Bond 007 marathons.

 

  • Best Game: Madden 2004
  • Best Animation: DOA Volleyball (I wonder why... They showed quite a lot of footage of this game.)
  • Best Performance by a Human: Ray Liotta in GTA: Vice City
  • Best Game Based off a Movie: Enter the Matrix (Maybe based on sales.)
  • Most Addictive: Soul Calibur II
  • Best Action: True Crime: Streets of L.A.
  • Best Driving: NASCAR Thunder 2004 (Actually was called the Pontiac/GTO Driving Award.)
  • Best Fantasy: Star Wars for Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
  • Best Sports: Tony Hawk UnderGround (Madden is the best game but this the best sports?)
  • Best Online: Final Fantasy XI
  • Best FPS: Call of Duty (Wow! They get one right.)
  • Best PC: Halo
  • Best Handheld: Splinter Cell (Oddly, I think the N-Gage version.)
  • Best Fighter: WWE Smackdown: Here Comes the Pain (Again, SC2's the most addictive and this is the best fighter?)
  • VGA Hall of Fame Inductee: The Dot from Pong
  • Most Anticipated Game for 2004: Halo 2 (This was the only category they showed nominations for throughout the show. Almost as if this was THE biggest award.)
  • Best Music: Def Jam Vendetta

 

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Comments

Jamin's picture

you, really need a girl friend if you have time to... to watch a tv show and then right something about it... if you don't get payed for it what's the point... huh???.. and i am not a wrestling fan by any means but you have to give those guys credit it's the most popular form of entertainment any where in the world... so you just bash what you don't get.. that is a sign of an idiot...

jim's picture

that guy really need to get layed if he has time to write something like that... ether he plays way to many video games... and it's life... our who knows, he sounds gay... and i don't have a problem with wrestling ether.. i'm not a fan but one of buddys took me to pay per view and you know what it was pretty fun and it's pretty funny.... i think i agree with you jamin he just does not get it....

Psydd's picture

Thank you for being the epitome of stupid. The point of writing a review of a show is to spread his own view of it. You had time to come online and search for this, read the article, and make a reply. No one who submits to this site does it for the money (because there is none to be made), but because it's the sort of thing they like to do.

Furthermore, maybe you live in Hicksville USA, but the most popular entertainment in the world is Soccer. Folks in the rest of the world don't care about our wrestling...but everyone has a soccer team. You deeming wrestling the most popular form of entertainment just goes to show how uninformed you are.

Lastly, I think part of the point is that wrestling has nothing to do with video games. Yes, there are wrestling video games, but this was not a video games award show, which it was supposed to be. It was a bunch of lame stuff that unrelated. The next time there is actually a video games award show, I would hope it 200% geekier, because then it will actually be based on fact.

Picking SC2 as 'Most Addictive' over 'Best Fighter' was even more of a mistake than naming Madden GotY.

?'s picture

I almost didn't write this because I was afraid to admit I actually watched it. Since I wrote most of it while I watched, in agony, I figured as a FREE service I'd save others from the same pain.

Comments like "get a girlfriend" tell me you might of enjoyed it though. (Even if I do, that's not the point!) And remember, it wasn't the wrestlers I hated the most, it was the lack of substance.

Funny thing, both Jamin and Jim posted with the same IP address (as an admin I can see that sort of thing:) Do you work for Cube-Europe too?

ConnDestn's picture

Sum of a #$%^@. I missed it.

?'s picture

If you won't take my word for it, here's Marty O' Donnell, Audio Director for Halo 1 and 2: (link)

"The VGA on Spike TV was the worst travesty that the entertainment industry has to offer. I was there at that table and I desperately want those hours of my life back. I will do everything in my power (which isn’t much) to fight the system that creates crap like that. I’m actually thankful that Bungie wasn’t mentioned. From this point forward I hope that we will distance ourselves from anything that smacks of the tawdry, obscene, and juvenile pile of dung that this show represents."

And I'm sorry, but this show seemed no different from any WWE I've seen flipping through channels. Take tonight's guide description: "WWE: Did Jericho get 'lucky' with Trish?" Okaaay... And I'm the one who needs a girlfriend? :p

Ted Boomerang's picture

Okay, good. I'm not the only one who Thought this was an insult to the interactive media. I kinda wish they had shown the nominies or at least a decent RPG (they didn't even show final fantasy!).

I also kinda wish they would have at least blinked at one good nintendo game but even that was a long shot (sorry guys, I'm a bit of a nintendork)

well anyways, now that I know I'm not the only one, I can die happy

Ted Boomerang

Psydd's picture

Nintendork, eh? You'll fit right in here :)

torkworld's picture

I saw 5 minutes of the pre-show and gave up on it. The only regret I have is that you said Kelis was on it. I go through so many bottles of Jergen's for her lmao

ghettoman's picture

HALO SUCKS SHIT!! AND HALO 2 WILL SUCK FUCK!! halo was already made before it came out only with a different name, 007! there the same thing and they both suck monkey nuts, and xbox, it sucks donkey balls!! the best games ever go like this: 1 gta vice city(PS2), 2 Mortal Kombat Deadly Alliance (PS2), 3 Tony hawk underground (PS2) 4 smackdown here comes the pain (PS2) 5 chrono trigger (SNES) and wrestling does not suck you pig fucker! It rocks and you can go fuck shit you assclown

?'s picture

I'm going to ignore your strange Halo hatred and mark it up to the alcohol.

Wait... MKDA second best game EVER? Now it starts to fall into place. You just have bad taste in games.

And again, wrestling isn't the problem. Wrestling games can be a lot of fun. The problem is the WWE and its army of mullets...

Jerome's picture

I agree with Bonestormer. Although, I do watch WWE every Monday and Thursday, it is by far the crappiest show now. It really sucks alot of ass. No creativity and no good wrestlers anymore. All the wrestlers that you do like get their ass kicked and insulted. The guys who aren't even real wrestlers and have bad voice acting are the champs (Triple H, Randy Orton, Brock, etc..)

My thoughts about the award show. It fucking sucked in every way possible. Not only did they give the worst game (madden) of 2003 the goty , but they gave SC2 the most addictive game. How many maddens out there now? Why would you wanna play the same old boring football game? I thought it was an "Xbox, PS2" show. They're so antiNintendo, it's pathetic. Nintendo creates the most addictive, quality, fun games that Xbox and PS2 will never see. They don't even know how to rate, judge, and announce games properly. I laughed the hardest when I heard Halo 2 is the most anticapted title of 2004. Meanwhile, Halo was the only "good" game on the Xbox although it was highly overrated because it's nothing special. Plus, you compare Metroid Prime to Halo and Halo is a piece of crap. MP is way better in every way. Xbox has alot of FPS games but how many are actually good? Halo? I'd rather play MP or the ole Goldeneye. And Xbox Live isn't nothing special either. I hate hearing about it. Microsoft is just trying to make money with something Sega pioneered. PATHETIC

Vincent C.'s picture

I'm a huge gamer and I love the WWE, but even I hated this travesty. You know something is going horribly wrong when you got Funkmaster (and also Hypemaster) Flex and David "I'm not funny" Spade. What's worse, they give away the biggest award first.

YOU NEVER GIVE AWAY THE BEST AWARD FIRST! What's worse, it was for Madden. To get a GotY award, a game should be innovative and groundbreaking. It cleary should've gone to Star Wars: KoToR (in my opinion). What's worse, Star Wars was beaten by Enter the Matrix for an award. ONLY IN SPIKE TV CAN ENTER THE MATRIX WIN! (To non-gamers out there, Enter The Matrix was full of glitches and crashes that disappointed a lot of gamers.)

The last award given was the "We're gonna hype this game so much it'll get an award!" award. Besides that, the skits were neither amusing or funny, and what the hell were those cheerleaders doing with that circle showing the winners? Were they trying to summon the spirit of the game?

For video game awards, I'll stick with the Academy of Arts & Science with their awards. At least THEY know what good games are.

?'s picture

Seriously, everything I just read, made me stupider and wasted my time more than anything that has ever aired on Spike, including the WWF or E or whatever it is now, MXC and the VGA's.

It's funny, you play videogames, spend all your time of the internet complaining and are still more of a bitch than I am, god given uterus or not.

A channel for men. Perhaps it should have said a channel for men who act like and think like men. But you'd probably have to put down your controller long enough or stop your game of Magic in order to understand...real men, not the ones who equate their dick's biggness with the size of their harddrive, like Jenna Jameson, like stupid, banal humor and like their videogames.

Seriously you need to get a fucking life or just save everyone some time and die.

?'s picture

I never said I didn't like looking at Jenna Jameson, it's just that when she opens her mouth...

And some of us enjoy more sophisticated humor than the ackward sex jokes of the WWE/Spike TV genre.

I'm glad I could waste your time though. So much so that you wasted even more time by bothering to reply with that nonsence. I'm always looking to do my part. And if I ever start to act/think like those morons of WWE/Spike TV, I will take your suggestion into consideration.

Moe's picture

you know i didn't even wanna watch the damn VGA's in the begginning i was sorta interested then it started it got a bit boring then they give out their so called "best game award" to Madden no pun to any1 but Madden has been around since sega genesis
and then they leave out RPG games what the fuck RPG games sell like wild fire and i only saw FFXI and it was rated as an online game
as for nintendo not showing up on it well my guess is they probably too smart to get near anything like that
and whats up wit the show being on Spike tv seriously alot of girls play video games too you know sheesh