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Written by: klamkilla

I was at the mall yesterday when I went into FYE (one of those big corporate
music stores that charges $19.99 for a new CD). Well without turning this
into a pit let me get to the point. I went into their arcade they have
in the back. It is a decent sized arcade with a lot of games. I went over
to the change machine and got my customary $1 in quarters and then proceeded
to play the only game that ever appeals to me in the whole arcade. Nestled
in the corner away from all of the flashier games with their "surround
sound" and " controllers so complicated you need a college degree
to play" is an old SNK cabinet housing one of the greatest vertical
scrollers of all time: 1945.

You see the reason that this game grabs my attention (and subsequently
my money) is because it is actually a real VIDEO GAME. After I spent about
20 minutes and my $1 (which by the way gets you four credits each with
two lives) I walked around the arcade and observed some people playing
some of the other games and what I saw frightened and scared me.

You see I first noticed that each of the arcade cabinets that housed
the game had to have some insane pyrotechnic display that put the 4th
of July ceremony in Washington D.C. to shame. There were neon signs, flashing
lights, insanely loud and unnecessary noises, and in one case (the MTV
drumming game) a video that showed you that if you played this game hot
chicks in bikinis would like you.

Now don't get me wrong there are other real games at my arcade like
Time Crisis 2, Confidential Mission, 75 other generic shooters, and Tekken
3 but it is almost impossible to play any of these games without being
distracted by one of the thousands of kids assembled by the Dance Dance
Revolution game cheering on the fat girl that always wears the gross thong
and insists on taking a bow after every game she wins.

So I continued walking around the mall and I stumbled upon what has
to be the saddest excuse for an arcade game ever. The game is called "Coaster
X-Press" and basically it is a roller coaster simulator. I figured
that I couldn't die happy until I tried it and exposed it for the lame
P.O.S. that it was. So I paid the dollar (why can't ALL games cost either
1 or 2 quarters) sat down and picked a coaster.

Now the first thing that I noticed was that there was no safety strap
or harness so that was a sign that this was going to be very unimpressive.
So I picked a roller coaster and prepared to be unimpressed. Just as I
expected it sucked up my whole day.

What can be done about this horrendous plight in our Arcade quality?
Unfortunately not much as it seems like the arcade went from a place where
gamers could go to challenge each other in the newest fighting, racing,
and other multi player games to a place where all the casual gamers go
to try out their new dance moves or perfect their turntable skills.

So to end this editorial I would like to bid adieu to the arcade of
old and grudgingly accept the fact that the modern arcade is going to
be nothing more than a place for non gamers to hang out and watch fat
girls in thongs virtually dance.